Actions Speak Louder Than Words

People at my church say that they value the youth. They say that they want the youth to be present, to be involved. People are disheartened when they see how few youth actually are around on a consistent basis. And I'm bummed by that too - but I don't blame the youth for not wanting to be around. Because actions speak louder than words.
I have spent slightly over a decade watching how the youth in my church are treated, and if one thing is certain, it's that the youth aren't fully valued. My biggest observations - the youth almost always get the short end of the stick, the youth are almost always blamed for what's wrong in youth ministry, and the youth are almost always viewed in mind of the future and not for today.
Nearly all discussions of youth revolve around their worth in the future. Confirmation itself has tended to focus on adult concepts and theology rather than the everyday relevance that teens both desire and need. (Not to say that a solid Bible and theology background aren't useful - it's just that the majority of teens aren't going to build those things into their faith foundation if they don't see the everyday relevance.) Worries about the strength of faith in youth tend to revolve around what happens when they leave for college rather than when they leave the walls of the church building challenged to live their faith on a daily basis. And I can't count the times I've heard "The youth can't really do that" simply based on their age and assuming it means lack of ability or lack of faith depth. When I was a youth I learned to cling to 1 Timothy 4:12:

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity."

But it's hard to cling to these words when nothing you do seems to change the way anyone views the youth. It can be very hard for anyone to see value in themselves for who they are today when the people around them don't seem to see the same.
The youth program at my church has been in a serious slump for a number of years now. Not to say that no one's tried to start anything. There have been numerous attempts to start up youth groups, youth choirs, and youth Bible studies but to no avail. The youth show up once or twice and then they just stop coming all together. So the youth must not want to be there, right? Why even bother? But the better question to ask is: Why don't they want to be there? In the process of trying to start up yet another youth group, I've had the opportunity to talk to different youth about their desire to be involved and what kinds of things they do and don't want to see. One response has stood out to me above all others:

"It's not going to be like confirmation is it? Because I tried going to that other youth group that was started a while ago, and it was just like Confirmation, so I stopped going because I'm so over Confirmation."

 What does this statement tell me? First, that if what we offer the youth beyond Confirmation is just the same thing over again, then they're not going to come (well, duh!). Second, that, though Confirmation has been continually reformed for a number of years now, what we're doing still isn't working. Along those lines, I was recently informed that the reason that all the couches were taken out of the youth room was to prevent the youth from falling asleep during confirmation. Let me tell you something - I spent 3 years of weekly Bible study growing deeply in my faith through both discussion and lecture while sitting in super comfy couches, and I never recall anyone falling asleep - it's all about the delivery. So here's the thing - when the youth don't want to be at church and/or are bored during their time there - you can't immediately place 100% of the blame on them. I analogize it to my role as a teacher. When the majority of students don't understand a concept or do poorly on a test, I don't reprimand them for being lazy, inattentive, or dumb but instead look at what I did, ask myself what I should have done differently, and look for ways that I can change my instruction and/or assessment to better my my students' needs. Heck, I've even asked students for feedback on how I can make things better. And guess what? Most of them give constructive feedback on how I can make things better. And guess what? Most of them give constructive feedback, and we're able to move on together in a more positive direction. The youth ought to be treated with the same respect. Is that to say that the youth are never to blame? Certainly not. In the busy lives we lives, priorities get turned around sometimes. Even I fell to prioritizing homework and activities over my faith when I was part of the youth program. But if the youth are given all of the blame all of the time, they're simply not going to want to be around, nor would anyone else of any age.
On top of all this, the youth tend to get the short end of the stick. For instance, when the church ran into budget troubles a number of years ago, the youth director position was one of the first to go. An even better example: the church building is nearly evenly split between adult and children areas where the youth get one small room to themselves. But during my time as a youth we took pride in our room and tried to keep it nice. Today you still see a bashed in door that has been there for years though it should have been replaced (I think the many are being punished for the actions of a few). Most of the comfortable seating had been taken out until last Sunday when a group of young adults decided that it was time to move their favorite couch back into the youth room before the new youth group started. And most recently, the youth apparently became the best place for storing the choir risers (which are platforms, really) that had been removed from the sanctuary. The same young adults that moved the couch back in tried to implement a creative solution to this problem but to no avail. So, at the beginning of the summer, this is what youth who walked into their room saw: a bashed in door that has never been fixed, a bunch of uncomfortable chairs because they can't be trusted with the comfortable ones, and giant choir platforms stached in the back corner because the "youth" in youth room is clearly synonymous with "storage." At least the walls aren't baby-poop brown anymore (as described by two people with interior decorating degrees), but the new paint job was never quite finished either. So tell me, when you place yourself in the shoes of one of those youth: do you feel valued?
My heart breaks for the youth. Because it's been over a decade since I started this battle, and it doesn't seem to have gotten any better - it may have even taken a turn for the worse. I'm not saying that there aren't adults who balue the youth because I see ones that do. Perhaps it's simply that the loud minority gets heard. But the overall messages that I've seen sent to the youth: You are all troublemakers. You are to blame. You are less. You are not valued. How long will it be before the words "We value our youth" stop and actions begin to speak the same message?

"Preach the gospel at all times. When necessary, use words." - St. Francis of Assisi

Faith Like A Child

I have had the privilege to spend the last 5 days as the photographer for my church's VBS. It was my second year in that role, and I loved (nearly) every moment of it. I love seeing the joy. I love watching Crew Leaders (all teens) interact with their crews of children. I love that, because it was my second year, I was able to get to know kids' personalities and interests this year rather than learning tons of new names after my summers away at camp. And I love worshiping with them.
You see, I've been struggling with worshiping on Sunday mornings at my church for a while. It's something about the atmosphere - not in the service itself but in the congregation. I go to worship at my church and it feels dead. There's no joy. There's no heart. I go there and I exist because to lose myself in worship would be out of place. It's felt that way for years. And it's greatly due to that reason that I've long considered finding a new church.
But there's something that keeps pulling me back in - the kids. And not just the young ones. The teenage kids too - actually, especially the teenage kids. Because I love them all - the ones who follow the rules and the ones who don't; the ones who have strong faiths and the ones who have none; the ones who are like me and the ones who aren't. I love them all. And I want to be part of their lives.
My faith grew more through the ministry of youth and children this week more than it ever has through an adult-centered ministry. Watching Crew Leaders share God's love with their crews unconditionally. Seeing stories of the Bible come to life in children's young eyes. And most of all through worship. Because when I worshiped with all the kids at VBS, they had that heart. Together we got lost in worship. The time wasn't about obligation; it wasn't about performance - it was about losing ourselves in praising God.
If only the other "grown-ups" understood this. The children and youth of the Church have so much to teach us. So much to share with us. I've grown up in a church environment that focuses only on preparing children and youth for faith in adulthood. What gets lost is what faith means now. In an age about relevance and authenticity rather than obligation, expecting that this "Church of the future" will actually show up in the future is absurd.
Even more importantly, in my experience, the children and youth are the ones who've got this faith stuff figured out. It's that childlike faith - believing undoubtedly, loving unconditionally, serving unquestioningly, and worshiping wholeheartedly. Not to say that no adult has this. The adults I know who have faith like a child are some of my favorite people on this planet. But it seems that the adults who think that it's the grown-ups that teach and the young ones that learn seem to always have the power - or at least they tend to get their way.
Tonight after an amazing week, I was plunged into a situation to the opposite end of the spectrum - from a place where I had hope for my church to a place where I understood once again why I struggle being there anymore. And my heart hurt. Yet in that moment came clarity - just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I have to submerge myself in their world. I will spend the rest of my life working with youth in the Church - because they're worth it and the adults who don't understand that aren't worth spending my time with.
This weekend I set out on an adventure along with four other young adults. We are starting Jr High and Sr High youth groups in an effort to give the youth a place that they can grow in both their relationship with God and with each other - because it's been a long time since the youth in our church have had something like that that's not Confirmation or something just like Confirmation. I'm looking forward not just to the faith-based part but also to simply really getting to know them. Because I love them. And they're worth it.