If you've read any of my previous posts, you have a basic understanding that being a person who doesn't fit the mold in my major has been... difficult, to say the least. Despite great efforts to become a part of things, many people simply don't seem to want me around. Ever. Particularly the ones in my area of concentration. I thought I had come to terms with this concept. That I accepted that I had a couple of close friends in my major, and that would be fine. I've proven myself professionally, so why should they matter? I really thought that all of that crap was done and over with.
But there's one tradition that I was still looking forward to. The one time each year that it wasn't supposed to matter how good you were, who your friends were, and how much you fit it. The only requirements are that you are a senior and are significantly connected with the department. A student-led senior celebration. I was invited to join in last year when my entering class held their celebration, but I declined - it didn't feel right participating when I wouldn't graduate until this spring. But this year, I had to find my own way in. Planned through electronic communication, my remote location shouldn't have mattered. But any time I have offered input or help in planning, I have been ignored or pushed aside. And once again I am shut out. The one event that's supposed to be all-inclusive, the one event that I was looking forward to during graduation weekend. And it's become clear to me that I am unwanted, simply dead weight, the tag-along that no one can tolerate. Same old, same old for me. Why would this time be any different?
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